I haven’t been interested in the legal process at all. It seems like a complete waste of time. Mum and Dianne want answers, so they are into it. Today I decided to go to a preliminary hearing because I wanted to put a face to the person who had so greatly altered my life. When I arrived, I found myself in a massive room full of people from all walks of life (translation: aggravated assaulters, robbers and people like us). I sat down next to Dianne who was feeding her new baby under a blanket. Dianne pointed to the person sitting in front of her and mouthed, “I think that’s her”. She looked different than I imagined, she was kind of short and really stooped. She looked like she’d been through hell. I wanted to tell her that we weren’t in court to see her pay and that we just wanted to know what happened.
Finally the judge asked Andrea Day to approach the bench. Just as Dianne thought, the woman sitting directly in front of us stood up and walked towards the bench. It was so bizarre to see her walk to the stand, say her thing, come back and sit down. Our eyes must have bored into her, taking it all in. I want to know who she is, what she is like and why her destiny intercepted with Dad’s. I’m curious and I want to know why this had to happen to her.
Later we were in the foyer, where Roman columns gave the courts an air of grandeur. She was on one side and we were on the other. She didn't know who we were. I thought it was really strange. I wanted to walk up to her and say, "Hi, I’m Sandra Cook, it would really help us if you could tell us what happened?” It struck me as the strangest thing in the world that I wasn't allowed to simply do that. Instead of a simple conversation we have to go through this legal process that’s going to drag on for years, when we could just ask her from the other side of the room. After all, it wasn't her fault - she was a nurse driving home from night duty; I'm sure she just fell asleep.
Today we were also told that she was pregnant at the time of the accident and lost the baby. It was a double fatality, a greater tragedy than what we first thought. I feel sorry for her. She must be going through what we are, but worse. Imagine losing your baby and killing someone at the same time? It helps me to think that she's an archangel who came to take Dad away, and that it was just an innocent mistake.
After the preliminary hearing, in which nothing happened, Dianne said that on the way up she was in the same elevator as Andrea and her mother and that they had commented on the baby. I felt sorry for her. She had just lost hers. It was strange, this emotion, feeling sorry for her. It was the first time since the accident that I felt something other than crap. It was the closest I’d been to having a positive emotion – empathy.
Written on 18 Nov 2004
Over 8 years since incident
Tags:
judge, conversation, legal process, empathy
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