I've just had an emotional ride. My head hurts. It's really frustrating trying to get permission to film the Prosecution and the police. The more I delve into the documentary, the more the theme of this closed and private world is magnified. No one wants a camera anywhere near them. They are not hearing me, nor seeing the bigger picture of what I'm trying to do. I'm so frustrated with their closedness – if that’s even a word.
So I woke up this morning a bit miserable, but I’m trying to be pro-active so I rang the police in regards to filming them. What I think will be a friendly follow up chat, was not. The policeman went berserk at me telling me to drop my documentary because if I made direct or indirect contact with Andrea I could cause a mistrial. When I say I'm not planning to, he tells me to drop it all. When I ask him if Restorative Justice is classified as indirect, he accuses me of not listening to him. He is angry, yelling at me, asking me how old I am. Telling me I haven't seen the flaws in the law.
He's so angry with me. I got upset but he continues to scream that I'm part of the lucky one in eight people whose families get to go to court in South Australia. For the other seven in eight accidents there's no charge. He's angry because the police have got this far and I could come along and stuff it up. Waste all those people's time. I try to narrow it down to get concise answers about how I could cause a mistrial. He says I'm not listening.
After being screamed at for 40 minutes, I was hysterically bawling on the floor. He offers to send around a counsellor! He asked me to call in a few days to tell him how it was going!
I'm shattered, exhausted and done. I know you are meant to suffer for your art but this is ridiculous. I want to give up, but we had a meeting scheduled in two hours with the Prosecution in regards to filming them. I don't want to go. I'm too scared now. The whole thing seems too dangerous. My filmmaking friend Sonja tells me we 'have' to go. We had decided earlier that we would tell them we were making an educational film. I don't want to. While the truth hasn't helped me so far, the last thing I want to do is add lies to the mix. All I want is an interview with them, stating on camera that I could cause a mistrial if I saw Andrea or if I made this documentary.
I make a poor attempt at pulling myself together but I'm seconds away from tears at any moment. My eyes are blood red and my eyelids resemble a puffer fish. They won’t let us film them (maybe after the trial) but they will put us in contact with a man called Michael O’Connell who works for the Attorney General as the Victims of Crime Co-ordinator. He has heard about us and will pay for us to see a lawyer, so we don’t cause any harm, such as jeopardise the Prosecution.
Written on 10 Nov 2005
Over 8 years since incident
Tags:
trial, police, restorative justice
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