Climbing the Ladder
I see a ladder I need climb, I get to the top only to find another ladder, the rungs are further apart but still I climb. The more I climb even more rungs are added.They are rough and hurt my hands.
I look down and see nothing but darkness so I keep climbing, exhaustion making my body ache.
I wake before I reach the top, I feel the pain creep back into my heart. I desperately needed to reach the top but I wasnt strong enough.
I cant climb the never ending ladder.
I dreamt this often especially in the first year. I realise now I was trying to climb out from the dark hole of despair. I still havent reached the top and doubt that I ever will but I am beginning to see some light.
Written on 20 Apr 2010
Over 7 years since incident
Tags:
The depths of despair
Drug driver survivor | 21 Apr 2010
That dream so makes sense. I’ve felt things harder too since, mostly non dreamer now but I have odd nightmares, or else really weird joy dreams about the times before my family died or about reunions. I lost partner before Mum. Never had elated joy dreams before losses!
Julie McIntyre | 22 Apr 2010
Thanks Nicole and drug driver survivor you can read more of my dreams and when I have finished some of my nightmares. I have a group I dreamed a dream. Strange now i refer to dreams as dreams even the scary ones. Maybe thats because we are living the real nightmare awake. xx
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Nicole Guise | 21 Apr 2010
I know how you feel. The constant struggle..
I have a similar dream which involves swimming an endless ocean. I hear my husband and son calling for me…. “mummy, keep me safe”. I never get to them.
You have to remember you ARE strong. You are still here! You get up each day, taking one step at a time…One day you will reach the top.
Sometimes when you’ve been in darkness for too long, your eyes adjust to it & you stop looking for the light. I am glad you have found some light again, let it guide you back …
Thinking of you and sending you big hugs.