< back to Julie's blogAnother bad nite

Its 3.15am and for the second night in the week I find myself punching the pillow, tossing and turning unable to get back to sleep.  Why did I wake? I dont know accept to say my first thought was of Lee. 

After 5 yrs 7mths I've been able to stop Lee from consuming my daily thoughts but nights are obviously different. In my sleep I have less control.  I cant get confused;  I dream and I love to dream they are good nights.  If I wake from the dream I think for awhile then drift back to sleep.

But this is different I dont know why I woke!  So rather than try to analize myself, I will try a different approach. 

Here I sit putting the dilema of another bad night in writing.  Hopefully once I have taken my thoughts from my head and on to this blog I might be able to go back to sleep. 

I have conceded, its time to go back to the quack for a sleeping pill, surely a pill will do less harm to my body than this bad sleep pattern which seems to be coming a habit. 

So I will log off and try again, if my analysis doesnt work I will put on foxtell.

Nite Nigh

Written on 29 Jul 2010
Over 9 years since incident
Tags: Sleep deprived

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mum of five | 30 Jul 2010

dear Julie,
my doctor told me "menopausal"get used to it for the next 5 years or so. There has to be a better answer, but I must admit my hormones have been crazy – I do have panic attacks, hot flushes, sleeplessness where I just lie awake and think if I wait long enough listening to my husband sleep I will too. My moods swing and I feel very short with people who complain for nothing and about nothing. I asked someone from Church how to stop the hurt too, and his reply was"to stop loving". In other words it doesn’t stop when we have lost someone we loved so much. A Mum’s pain to bear. It will be 7 years this August since we lost our daughter and it would have been her birthday this Monday on the 2nd. I miss her as much today as I did then. We still have flowers on the roadside where she died ( the one good thing about a rural council) and I’ll take her a big bunch to the cemetary. She loved frangipanis!! I hope a restful sleep comes soon to you. Jan

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Julie McIntyre | 30 Jul 2010

Thanks Jan I hope your right menopause I can handle. I was 49 when we lost Lee, never been sick except for tonsils and some migraines. Over the last 5 years I have had 3 ops,been Anaemic, collapsed from dehydration, lost 10kilos,suffer clinical depression, and now I am a complete hypochondriac. The slightest pain and I sook like a baby..with all that I dont know whats real and whats not. LOL
I love frangapanis too, I bet everytime you smell them you can feel your baby girl.
I received a the most beautiful email yet, I am putting on for my dreamers and believers, check it out, you will love it xx

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mum of five | 06 Aug 2010

You are right,
That e-mail was beautiful. I hope you are sleeping better. 7 years on and I’m still awake a lot, then feel tired and flat during the day.
I need to find my rose bushes amongst the weeds that have come up everywhere with the rain. Maybe a full day of back-breaking gardening will do the trick (for one day at least)
Take care Jan xx

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Julie McIntyre | 06 Aug 2010

You are doing really well Jan, its been too cold to garden, but just wait your roses will come back, and when they do, you may feel a little better.

luv julie xx

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Drug driver survivor | 10 Aug 2010

Some of the naturals can be good, some teas help settle at night and I once found valerian or was it kava calm helpful and felt much less groggy the next day than from sleeping pills. Sleepless ness sucks – I ruminate on negative themes including loss when PMT strikes.

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